Hooping Communities, Conflict and Growth

Ahhhh, the sweet bliss. You’ve discovered the pure joy of the plastic circle. The gentle rhythms as it sweeps around your body in meditative movement, all the while working out your body by doing something you enjoy! But then… hold on… you’ve discovered that there is even more. How could it get any better? You have found a few other local people who not only hoop, but want to share some hoop space together, regularly!

 At first you gather informally to share the hoop love, take in some new moves, and in time learn more about one another. The circle gradually becomes larger though as others see you hooping and want some of the natural joy that you have found. Now you’re having regular Hoop Jams and maybe even a Facebook page for your hoop group. You can feel a cohesiveness happening. The connections feel deep, meaningful and true. This group truly understands a part of you that others just don’t! They grasp the hooper in you, which is now becoming a defining factor in how you see yourself. You’ve found a place where you all belong.

 With the passage of time, however, some members may come and go. While the core group remains solid, at some point in this process the language starts to change. And then one day it happens.

 What is “it”? Well, that I can’t tell you because it is different for every hoop community. It might start out as simple as minor bickering over music played at the weekly hoop jam and grow into more than that. Or, a newer member within the community decides they want to start a business or begin teaching or creating a community of their own. Or, crash, two leaders within the tribe have a major falling out, leaving everyone else wondering where to pick up the pieces without getting glass in their hands. While it’s inevitable that conflict will come because we are human and it seems to be in our nature, often this change in our community is misperceived. What some might view as a problem is often an unavoidable growing pain. In communities “it” is the first stage of community growth.

Twenty years ago when I read M. Scott Peck’s book “The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace”, the first line in the Introduction had me sold. “In and through community lies the salvation of the world.” Big stuff right? Peck spells out four stages of community growth, while other experts (generally stemming from Peck’s original work) tend to spread them into five. Let’s see how they all work together.

Stage One: Pseudocommunity/The Waiting Place The group has reached the end of it’s blissed out stage, but people aren’t quite ready to tell each other what’s what either. There may even be a feeling that things aren’t quite right, but members can’t readily put their finger on what the issue is yet. Matters that were once clear now seem muddied. People are often looking for someone to make the decisions for them. Divisiveness can be high. The big dynamic keeping this stage alive is conflict avoidance. Individual differences start to surface also stirring the pot. Once these differences are not just acknowledged, but encouraged, then the group will naturally move into the next stage. We are reminded often that, a true community is conflict-resolving, not avoiding.

Stage Two: Chaos As chaos enters frustrations, annoyance and differences are finally being vented. It becomes literally chaotic as people try to heal and persuade through their own personal experiences. It’s the classic, “Well that happened to me one time and this is what worked…”, only hearing it from each person with equal fierce conviction that their way is THE way tends to only make things worse. Once the negative emotions flood and eventually fall away, the differences can be better sorted out. There is no more facade that things are “perfect” as in stage one. Guards are let down, people can see the real you, deep into your beautiful dirty, roots. And that is where the healthy growth truly begins.

Stage Three: Emptiness This is probably the most difficult step in building community. In order to leave and rise above all that is Chaos, members must be willing to look at themselves deeply and leave behind that which prevents real communication. Biases, prejudices, the need for power and control, ego, the need for self-validation, superiority, all the major hang-ups that we have in life need to be discarded in order to embrace empathy, openness to vulnerability, attention, and deep trust. This does not mean that we do not have an opinion or share it. But when we do, we do it with thought and regard for others in the group. Our opinions are well thought out and versed, rather than just thrown in on a whim of emotion. This step is not only a step of transcendence for the community, but a huge place of self-growth for the individual.

Stage Four: True Community I’ll repeat here what I said in the first stage: A true community is conflict-resolving, not conflict avoiding. Being a true community does not mean it’s all wine and roses from here on out. What it does mean is that all the hard work you’ve put in getting here makes it worth that much more. Through learning how to trust, communicate openly and authentically, express empathy, and let go of hinderances people are more able to relate to each other. There is understanding where there was once just difference. When communications get heated (and they will), they don’t turn sour, motives aren’t questioned, they are just worked thorough in time.

Hooping can just be hooping. It does not have to include a group or a community. Hey, some of us like to hoop alone and there is nothing wrong with some solitude! For many hoopers out there, however, hooping is also a place that community naturally falls into place. It can be reassuring to know that hoop community growing pains are just part of the process, and rather than getting too caught up in them, to remind ourselves of what we can do. We can love ourselves and love our community even through its awkward stage. We can be authentically ourselves and share our truth while empathically loving those around us. We can step up to the plate and be a part of the solution, rather than the problem. And we can keep right on spinning.

Hooping Through Life

 If you’re anything like me your mind is a virtual hooping vortex sometimes, constantly spinning all things into a hooping metaphor, example, or way of being. I can be in the most mundane setting and find a way to turn my thoughts about the situation into a hooping scenario. Do you find driving boring or a space full of endless frustration? My alone time in the car is inevitably spent becoming fully immersed in the music playing through my iPod and imagining myself hooping to the rhythms. I literally feel my adrenal rush as the music changes, knowing how I would fly my arms and hands during that moment in the song, feeling my legs want to bend and groove with each beat, all the while fully engaged with my ever spinning dance partner. And then whoosh, the song ends. Where there once was just a deep love of music, now is an enhanced, deeper fuller appreciation of movement, of dance, even if it is sometimes just in my mind. Are you hooping your way through life as well? One friend says she does the same thing. Another thinks I've fallen off the proverbial "hoop" rocker. Just wait until I tell you more.

Now my hoop roots are grounded deeply in the HoopPath, a teaching model created by Jonathan Baxter using mythological methodology to teach skills such as Touch or Samurai style hooping. While Baxter's myths stay close to my heart, the method of hooping comes out in, well, odd ways at times. For example, I’m out shopping - a task I abhor. Sometimes I imagine myself as a Warrior Hooper in the store, fiercely battling my way through the isles, dodging carts, hopping with magnificence across cans or clothes that have fallen in my path, my hoop always my partner in an epic war to get out quickly, with thrift, all the while maintaining quality. Despite the looks from other customers, it gets me through and I really think I am a better hooper for it.

Still don't believe me? Last summer while I trained for my second triathlon, hooping was still on my brain even as I moved through each sequence of events. While running I often found my arms inadvertently practicing breaks, paddles and reverses with an imaginary hoop. I'm sure I looked more like a dancer than a biker during my rides, and as a life long swimmer, the refuge in the water also became a place to find circles in each movement that I made.

In my every day life (aka, the most important part) I am a single mother of two energetic, astounding boys. Their creativity and thirst for life inspires me. At our last dwelling we had regular "dance parties" in the evenings, usually including hoops. The dancing was always a source of never ending laughter as we would attempt to see which of us could be the absolute silliest, causing belly flops and chortling from the others. Hooping was a lesson in patience, humor, fine and gross motor skills, and ultimately fun.

While we are now in a new setting, the antics continue, the form has just varied. My love for hooping and dance influences how I move around the house and interact with it and with them. Yesterday my youngest son, still in preschool, began telling a story in a whacky voice and my body moved wildly to his intonation. In my mind, I was flying my hands and dipping my legs as if in my hoop. To them I just was being their crazy mom. To all of us, it was hysterical fun. Whether we all know it or not my hooping bonds us in so many ways.

Yet it is even more deep-seated than simple musings in the car, wild dashings through a store or the beloved time with my children. What hooping has taught me, and what I still have to learn in its spinning lull, relate to most of my core beliefs about life. The hoop itself provides a natural physical boundary. It represents safety in the world. When I hoop, my thoughts, my dance, create a sacred space for me within that boundary. Represented in the hoop is wholeness, unity, a place to step in and begin to look for peace, internal and external. In my conversations with those not in the flow know I find myself holding back sometimes in conversation, from commenting in ways like, "Yes, the presidential election is just like hooping..." I know they will not always understand while my clothing choices alone usually let people know that I am a bit different from the mainstream. They know this without my going off on a philosophical tangent on the sacredness of circles.

For me hooping is engrained in almost every aspect of my life. Even when I am not in an active practice, hooping is actively in my life. Since my journey in the spin my hooping passion has helped me think outside the box, making every day life more interesting, making learning easier and making my teaching more efficient. It may not be normal for the rest of the world, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Weaving the Hooping Community's Mutual Tapestry and Harnessing its Power

Last week a hooping friend on FaceBook contacted me out of the blue and gifted me a piece of her handcrafted jewelry. She explained this great kindness in a message, “So I decided to GIVE to (you) my hoop community (and being a teacher is Hard work).....funny how that changes it all up and makes the energy MOVE! Enjoy. I am wishing you happiness and hope to see you sometime in 3D.” Her act of selflessly giving left me contemplating the numerous times I have been assisted by my local tribe or the greater hooping community and the many stories over the years of hoopers helping our own. I began wondering how hooping has individually affected us to create a community where support exists between people whom have often never even met and may even live thousands of miles apart? 

Perhaps you are asking yourself, "What are these great acts of kindness of which you speak?"  Well, they are certainly countless and widespread. Throughout my ten years inside the hoop I have witnessed people donating money to other hoopers to help pay doctor bills, to send someone to the dentist, to cover utility and home repairs, really the list is endless. I have seen a hooper's family lose their house in a fire and a community stand up and help them through it. I've watched people lose loved ones and receive support that is unimaginable. We have not only helped hooping teachers, entrepreneurs, performers and many others see their dreams become reality as they began making a hoop career, we have also seen the gifting of a hoop, teaching someone a new skill, reaching out to a hooper who may be shy or just needs a boost of morale, all for fun and for free. All of these acts are important for a community that cares about one another on more than just a surface level.

Here’s the thing about hooping, for many of us when we first pick up a hoop we don’t really know what we’ve gotten ourselves into.  Sure our friend tells us it’s better than ice cream on a hot day, but we're thinking, "Hello, this is just a piece of plastic! How transformational can it be?" Then we find ourselves wanting to do it more and more and more. We notice that we are becoming more balanced in our lives, which leads us to feel empowered and strong. We start making sure that the clothes we buy are hoopable.  We spin our way to finding friends locally, regionally and beyond who share our bliss and can relate to what we are experiencing.  Often these people become our “tribe”, our community our support system. The inner change that we feel and have cultivated has a greater energy and power to manifest itself into larger local and even global change.

I live in reality, but the deepest part of me does not want to give up that child-like dream of utopia. We are a very diverse community, made up of people from all backgrounds from all over the world, and yet we all share is this one common love, a circle spinning around our bodies, our hearts, our lives. How strange that this draws us all into a communal bond.  I am friends virtually and physically with people across the world that I would have never encountered otherwise. We have real interactions and deep relationships have formed, simply because of the hoop. What if we harnessed the positivity created by the hoop, by hooping, by the hoop community far and wide. What if we collectively gathered all the support seen over the years, the friendships and communal energy we've all created and are creating. Couldn’t we change the world through our example? Or perhaps we already are. Perhaps in lifting the spirits of each of us inside our circles and sharing that with those we reach we reach in our communities and online, we continue to weave a fabric that is brighter, more colorful and stronger than the tapestry at hand. By sharing our hoop love and letting it shine we are truly making this world a better place.
 If you can not view the video above, please go to www.havenhoopdance.com to view the post in its entirety.

St. Francis of Assissi once said, "All the darkness in the world can not extinguish the light of a single candle. Soundtrack: "Song to the Siren" by This Mortal Coil (on iTunes).

Kaydi McMahan dances beautifully with her hoop to Adele's "Turning Tables" (available on iTunes). She lives in North Liberty, Indiana, USA.

Hoop Gathering Afterglow and the Melancholy Monday

RE-ENTRY CAN FEEL LIKE A SPIRAL IN SPACE

Just a couple of weeks ago, I found myself immersed in the HoopPath: Open Air stop in Detroit. I had anticipated it for months and was ready to dive in with my fellow hoopers when it was time for the workshops to begin. Over the course of the weekend, a bond began to form between the community in attendance. We were all sweaty and we ached together, ate some meals together, laughed and even cried together. Sunday night came and my cup was so full. There is nothing better for me than to truly immerse myself inside the hoop with people who understand and support not only my love for this magic circle, but support me being the very best me that I can be. Driving home I was basking in the afterglow of a weekend so well spent.

Then Monday hit, what we had been warned about. Yes, the “Melancholy Monday” syndrome had arrived – the less than magic time when the realities of real life return. Where are all my hooping pals? You recognize you are no longer in a hooper heaven setting and the non-hoopers you encounter on a daily basis have little idea how this experience could be so idyllic. They stare at you blankly as you share your joy which only seems to make it worse. As hoopers we are in the midst of gathering season and whether you’re coming home from Return to Roots or landing after Spark Fire and Flow Retreat or any of a myriad of festivals that have occurred lately. Maybe you are preparing for Circumference, Hoopcamp, Burning Man or another late summer or fall gathering. Or perhaps you aren’t going to a festival, but have or will be taking a weekend long intensive hoop workshop, like I just did. No matter what situation you find yourself in, you will most likely encounter your very own afterglow and your own Melancholy Monday of sorts. How can we best re-integrate into our daily lives after spinning up so much awesomeness? Here are six simple tips to help you land again smoothly upon your re-entry.

1. Allow time to process. One of the best ways to navigate your re-entry experience is to talk to others who also attended the event or may have insight because of past attendance at these type of gatherings. Share your experiences! Take time to journal, hoop, meditate, or just allow yourself some plain old solitude, taking the time you need to process. How do you know if it is helping? You will feel better after, not worse.

2. Pick up your hoop. You’ve surely learned a lot over the course of the event you’ve attended. Pick up that hoop and practice what you have learned. Don’t let all that knowledge go to waste. If you aren’t feeling it, then just love on your hoop and fall into a nice flow, allowing your hoop to embrace you as you bring those feelings of joy created back into your life at home.

3. Drink Plenty of Water. Hydration is key to life. Your body is most likely exhausted and a “hooper hangover” is unpleasant. Fluids will prevent this. One of the best ways to nurture yourself is to drink water, and a lot of it. Even if you stayed well-hydrated throughout the event, continue this hydration after you return home as your muscles and body continue the healing process. You’ve probably hooped more than you normally do and possibly ever have. Drink up. Your body will thank you for it.

4. Get Plenty of Rest. Go to bed earlier than usual if possible. Your body is your temple, allow it to be healthy, rested and restored. You have most likely put more physical and emotional (yes, even positive emotional) stress on it than it has seen in awhile. Give yourself an extra hour of sleep or a delicious nap whenever you can squeeze it in. Again, remember your body needs time to rebuild and restore itself, physically and emotionally.

5. Stay connected. Most of us are on Facebook and Hooping.org. Stay connected with the new friends you’ve just made. Take time to watch the videos from the weekend, look at the pictures that are being posted, post your own and bask in the memories created. It really helps to ease the transition back into your daily life.

6.Plan your next event. Knowing that you have something else up your sleeve, even if is months away, can help take the edge off. It doesn’t have to be a full blown hoop gathering either. Perhaps it is just a road trip to meet a new friend that you connected with at this past event, or a trip to a city an hour away to learn from that teacher you’ve been hearing about. If you are able to dream up something big or small it can really help give you some excitement for the future.

Leaving a festival or any hooping event can be a big transition and self care afterwards is warranted and necessary. These are just a few guidelines to help and we would love to hear your comments and ideas that have worked for you in your transitions from hoop gatherings back to everyday life. It remains thrilling for me each time I attend a hoop gathering, whether it be as an organizer, teacher, or attendee and no matter how many times I attend a hoop event, I always seem to walk away with my mind blown. We are so lucky to be a part of such an incredible community.