Sanctuary

During the past month, as I have moved through, within, around and often stood stagnantly in this transition from my home in the hooping “mecca” of Carrboro, NC to the Detroit Metro Area of Michigan,  I have been spent the least amount of time in my hoop in years. My once 5-6 day a week practice has dwindled, at best to once a week, primarily because of logistics.  The three times I have hooped I’ve found my heart lighter, my mood lifted significantly, and a connection back to something deeper and greater than myself.

For many, I’d even venture to say, for most, what is created inside the hoop is healing, powerful, personal and many times communal.  Over my almost 9 years of hooping I have heard story after story of transformation and continual growth that began the day someone picked up a hoop or saw someone hooping.  I know this is true for me.  It is difficult to try to explain this to those unfamiliar with flow arts, or who have not found that connection with something powerful in life.  So I wanted to share two stories, neither mine, but both far more powerful than what I could write.  

The first “story” is actually a comment written about a video I made over 3 1/2 years ago when I was pregnant with my second child.  This comment still deeply affects me and lives close to my heart.  It reminds me that power lies in each movement, act, word spoken and everyday we each influence one another, often in small ways, sometimes without ever knowing it, and other times irrevocably .

“When my sister became pregnant against her will at 16 she struggled to find a way to heal her spirit and accept the beauty of life. She watched this video over and over again. She picked up a hoop and created a circle of love and acceptance around herself and the blessed life with which she had been gifted. You were able to show her the way. We all thank you for sharing your Love with us.”

The second story is from a dear friend,  whom I have been talking to regularly as she is finding her way back into the hoop during a period of healing.  She wrote to me recently  sharing with me that this was not the first time she has sought hooping for the purposes of healing.  Her prose, her story, her courage are so powerful I requested to use it verbatim in this blog, changing her name to protect her privacy. 

 I’ve given her the name “Willow”, always bending gracefully with the wind, even when it harshly blows, but never breaking.

Willow’s Story:

"i remember the first time i saw them. they were outside and mostly barefoot, women moving within their sacred symbols. i felt so drawn to them, to their energy, to their sacred circles, but i also remember thinking, i could never be like them, i could never do that...i could never move my body in that way, so free, so archetypal, even provocative...

All my scars would be showing, and besides, i would be "asking for it", i guess in the same way a five year old little girl "asks for it”...

but that was all before i know what i know now. that was back when i had no safe place, and nightmares ran my life, awake and asleep. memories of my dad and my uncles, their hands on me, their bodies on me in ways they shouldn't be...

images of them beating my mom, holding her down, having their way with her. beating the dogs until they stopped crying out. pounding them in the face. my face. i was a haunted woman, a lost little ghost.

Then i saw a poster at my gym, about hoop classes. for many weeks i would pass by the poster on purpose, but i never went to the class. finally, for mystical reasons i still am thankful for but still don't understand, i went to the class, and there began a journey that changed the way i move, the way i think, the way i relate to others...

i fell in love with my hoop. it surrounded me. it surrounded me. it surrounded me. it defined the space around me, drawing a line around and around and around me until i understood that there was a space i could claim, into which others could not come uninvited. it protected me. it danced with me, a gentle partner, understanding when i had had enough, waiting nearby and patient when i cried. rocking me when i cried within its arms. soothing me when i was still and quiet within her encircling arms.

At the same time, the hooped worked a strange and seemingly opposite magic. it connected me to a community of other holy dancers, other seekers. i wasn't such a lonely little ghost anymore. i always felt different because of my history, never felt like i fit in. i could never figure out where to put myself, where to be. but somehow in the hoop, we are all one. it joins us to a place in time before we all subdivided into races and genders and people with problems and people with and without money and all the other ways we categorize ourselves and each other. If you ever see many people hooping together, you will be mesmerized by the unique expression of each person's energy. and you will also be mesmerized by the collective energy, the affirmation of community. So finally, i belonged somewhere -- inside of my hoop, and i belonged to something, the hooping community. "

Moving Forward

Two weeks ago on Sunday afternoon, while trying to begin packing my “life” into boxes  I found myself curled in a ball on my bathroom floor, heart pounding, gasping for air, as rivers of tears poured from my eyes.  I literally felt like my eyeballs might fall out. I know gross, right?  But that was the intense, fierce nature of these tears, mixed with the gut wrenching fear and my incapacity for breath.  My rational mind told me to calm down and that this was all just some kind of panic attack, something I had never really experienced in this way before.  Knowing I was having some severe anxiety induced reaction, was only mildly helpful.  The rest led to severe negative self talk, “You are a fucking mess!  Who does this? If you can’t even handle this, how will you make it through this move?”.  “Look at what is happening in Japan, Bonnie and you are upset about this? Think about (insert name) and all he/she is going through”  This talk went on for quite some time, before I began to use all I had learned in my Buddhist practice on mindful breathing, and chanted a mantra which I am particularly fond.


Eventually, my rational mind won out and I was able to control my breathing and regain some composure. Through the help of my friend, Melissa’s, open ear and soothing voice I was able to let go of the delusions of enormity, I had created in my head about myself, this move, and just packing itself.  I pulled myself together enough to get out of the house and go for a short run, just before needing to go teach class.  While running, I contemplated deeply, how I could possibly teach in this emotional state.  I kept repeating the mantra while running and tried to keep my mind clear.  After all I had taught on many Tuesday nights and Sunday afternoons/evenings in the face of adversity and it ALWAYS (a word I hardly ever use) turned out well.  


I pulled up to Chestnut Ridge Camp, 10 minutes late, and frustrated with myself for not being early to class.  My students, though, greeted me with hugs and smiles and the eight of them had already started hooping outside in the warm sunshine without me.  We moved class under one of the pavilions, the music began to play and my hoop encircled me and a whole body stillness washed over me.  Peace, community, love, oneness, openness, life, breathe, truth.... each for moments at a time, overlapping, all at once.  As it does each and every time, class filled me to the brim, and when it was done I thought, “There is no way my students get as much out of this as I do.  I am the luckiest person in the world.”  The current had changed. The day completely shifted because of a hooper and dear friend, because of my mindfulness practice, because of the hoop, because of my students.  


After class that night I made a video for all of my NC community, many of whom hoop, almost all of whom know me as a hooper.  I chose the song “Landslide”, by Fleetwood Mac because the lyrics so clearly spoke to my time in the hoop in NC and with the HoopPath community in particular.  But it also, spoke to all those who have supported me so graciously throughout many hardships over the last 3 years in particular.  These lyrics in particular pull at my heart strings each time I hear them:

       “I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down


Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?


Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too”


Leaving North Carolina feels impossibly hard, but I know it is just the next step in growth.  As India.Arie so wisely states, “Look what I have found. I’ve found Strength, Courage and Wisdom, its been inside of me all along.”  


Until we meet again (very soon), Namaste’.




If you can not view the video below please view the entire post at www.havenhoopdance.com.

The Invisible String

"When One tugs at a single thing in Nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world."


John Muir (1838 - 1914)






Yesterday was a beautiful North Carolina day, filled with sun,  perfectly broken up with intermittent peaceful clouds and a warm breeze to end February superbly.  My five year old, Wynter, and I spent the afternoon outside playing while his younger brother napped.     Wynter rode his bike, played in the dirt, found interesting rocks, and we both (with our respective cameras) took pictures of the miraculous blooms and flowers surrounding our quaint house.  A great afternoon for any five year old boy and his mom, but this one had an extra twist that made it even more remarkable.


Wynter began a conversation with me somewhere in the middle of the fun that went something like this, “Mama, what is God?”.  This is not the first time we have had a conversation about God, but I answered differently this time.


“Well, what do you think God is Wyn?”, I replied.


“I don’t know.”, he said, “Tell me Mama.”  “It’s a hard question buddy, but I think God is in all living things.”, I answered.  He was quiet for a bit looking at our dog Jordan, the plants around us, many in bloom on this last day of February.  


“What does God look like Mom?” was the next question and I just thought... 
'wow, he’s not letting up with the tough questions is he.. I love this boy.'  Again I turned the question back to him, “Tell me what you think about when you think of God.  What do you think God might look like?”  Wynter swayed from side to side, pondering the question and then said definitively, “ God is an invisible string that connects us all to one another.”

My heart swelled with a mother’s love for my beautiful boy.  He went on to describe God as the invisible string, “God then could connect all the plants and animals and people... the whole earth.  And even when we were far away from each other it would be ok because we would still be connected.” I looked at Wynter, his dark hair with gentle curls, soft face, and deep soulful eyes and said, “ I like that,” then I half teased, “do you suppose God is like fishing line string?”  He smiled, “ I do like to fishing.  Yeah, maybe God is just like that!”


We continued to talk about God, the many names of God, our connection to all living things, if you could get tangled up in the invisible string, and a plethora of other topics of a spiritual nature for quite a while during River’s nap.  Then we each took our cameras, exploring the possibilities that nature had offered through new blossoms bursting through, all connected to us by The Invisible String.  It was a miraculously peaceful afternoon.

The idea of The Invisible String has stuck with me HARD since our conversation.  It is so poignant to what is happening in the boys and my life right now.  As we prepare for a big transition out of a community we know and love dearly, leaving every day routine and familiarity, friends, and local haunts, there is great comfort in the knowledge that we will be surrounded not only by family, but also The Invisible String.  There is solace in this awareness that The Invisible String connects me with all living things.  This connection can not be severed because it is forged in the ultimate love.  I can move forward knowing that, while I say goodbye with a heavy heart, I am hopeful because of the existence of The Invisible String. 

Remembering Carl

Carl Anthony Williams
2/25/61-12/22/03

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
~~Edward Everett Hale


 My dear friend Sean volunteered in Africa and connected deeply with a young child there.  He has shared many stories, pictures, and videos of his time with Ibu.  His recollections and feelings about this time with Ibu have stirred some of my own memories of various life event including my year volunteering in a battered women's shelter in KC,MO and 3 year old "L" with whom I shared a great bond, and today Sean's story of Ibu brought back a memories from my own childhood, of Carl Williams, one of the most influential people in my life.

 I met Carl when I was about 4 or 5. These are my memories as I recall them... the memories of a child at that age. I am sure my time lines are off some, but they don't really matter, what matters is the story, the feelings,  and most importantly the impact one person can have on the life of another.

It was my first year at football camp.  My mom was cooking all the meals for the team and we (the three daughters) went up to camp that year and subsequent years to "help".  I remember being terrified of these HUGE men (really just teenage boys), but to a young child, GIGANTIC football players who could crush me if they chose to.  Each year there were a select few (generally about three) trainers who came along as well.  They were usually female and were skilled in treating injuries etc.  Myself and the other coaches daughters often clung to them, when we weren't off paddle boating, catching frogs, playing with my beloved dog Cheer, or helping in the kitchen.  In between these time, during open swim, and at night the players were around and I was fearful.

Then I met Carl.  He was by my standards, a mammoth sized man, his beautiful dark skin and large muscles towering over me, with a nice sized afro,  all larger than life.  I was playing with little plastic race cars that came from the Captain Crunch box.  You would blow up the balloon attached and the cars would go swiftly across the picnic table.  I felt like a nobody amongst these "adults", and Carl sat down with me and asked if he could race cars with me.  The simplest, kindest gesture and suddenly I mattered.  We became instant friends, for a lifetime.

After camp I missed Carl tremendously.  I could not wait until I would see him again.  I can't remember which one of us wrote the other first, but I do remember the glorious day when my mom came home from school with the most magnificent handmade card I had ever seen and it was for me.  Carl had thought that I was special enough to make such a lovely card, and it even said so on the the front " For My Special Friend Bonnie".  The flower on the cover was made of brilliant colors of yard and he even put a little, plastic man with moustache on the bottom because I had talked about how his moustache tickled when he hugged me.  I am flooded with the awareness I had at that moment that I was loved, acknowledged and important as a human being.  Sitting on my parents large bed, staring in my mother's mirror that spanned the length of her dresser, I saw myself and her and told her, " Mom, I wish that Carl was my big brother. "  "Well," she said matter-of-factly, "why don't you ask him to be?"  Really? It could be that easy? Would he say yes?  I got to work immediately on my letter back to him.

It was soon decided that we were indeed family and it did not take long before I started calling his mom, Mom Williams, and his dad, Dad Williams.  His sister Linda, was my sister as was his brother Mark and little sister Michele (Mickey).  Carl came to my swim meets, my first communion, he was my confirmation sponsor, but what I remember most is meeting him off the football field each week, win or lose, for my post-game hug.  He was always there with love in his heart, regardless of excitement of the win or disappointment of a loss, to give a little girl  the hug she waited for all week long.  My most memorable hug came during a game where Carl got injured and had to be assisted off the field.  At the same time, my mom was taking me to the ER for an ear infection.  Sobbing both from the pain in my ear and from the fear of what had potentially happened to Carl, we met near the bus in the parking lot.  Carl had the trainers let go of his arms and balanced heroically on his one good leg, bent over and picked me up to give me the best hug of my life, reassuring me that it was all going to be OK.  These are the moments that help shape our lives. 

Carl speaking at Football Camp my freshman or sophomore year in HS

While we kept in touch through most of our lives, there is no happy ending to this story, which is perhaps why I have not been able to talk about it much.  I don't have many regrets in my life, mostly because I don't believe they are helpful.  However it haunts me that I didn't make it to Carl's funeral after he was murdered.  My sister was there and sent my love to my "second family".  I listened to her with bated breath as she told me of all the former Shrine players who came back for the funeral, the words they spoke about Carl, the love that filled the room for him, and I grieved.  And each year around Christmas I promise myself that I will write a letter to Mom Williams and tell her all of this, but I never do.  I don't know what holds me back... my grief, the disbelief, fear, shame; probably all of these things.  Today, though after hearing my friend Sean talk about Ibu, I had to write about Carl.  I had to let him and others know, that these connections we make with children, with people who often need it the most.... these connections do make a difference, often the difference of a lifetime. 


So maybe today reach out to someone and share your hoop and hope that it gives them that moment of joy.  Look the homeless person in the eye when you pass them by in the street and say "Hello".  Smile at a child, your neighbor, your barista.  The simplest act can form a bond that changes lives, and at the very least it may change someones outlook for that moment.  We all have it within our power to change a life for the better and therefore change the world.  What's holding you back?


Thank you Carl.  I love you Brother.  This dance is for you.


If you can't view the video please go to www.havenhoopdance.com to see the entire blog.

American Council on Exercise Reveals Findings on Hula Hooping Workouts

 

 

Fitness Industry Leader, with University of Wisconsin, La Crosse, Examines Efficacy of Hula Hooping Fitness Trend

SAN DIEGO, Feb. 8, 2011 /PRNewswire/ -- The American Council on Exercise, America's leading authority on fitness and the largest nonprofit fitness certification, education and training organization in the world, today announced exclusive study findings that conclude hula hooping workouts offer substantial and positive results.  With no scientific literature to support the fitness benefits of hooping, the Council commissioned a team from the exercise and health program at the University of Wisconsin, La Crosse, led by Jordan Holthusen, M.S., and John Porcari, Ph.D., to test whether the modernized workout version of hula hooping provides effective calorie-burning and cardiovascular benefits. Hooping has become an increasingly popular fitness trend that is being integrated into Pilates, yoga and dance classes nationwide.

"With the evolution of hooping over recent years to become a nationwide exercise trend, we felt it was important to evaluate hooping's efficacy as a regular fitness regimen component," says ACE's Chief Science Officer, Cedric X. Bryant, Ph.D.  "The findings from our commissioned study indicate that hooping delivers a total-body workout that can improve flexibility and balance while strengthening the back, abdominal, arm and leg muscles."

Hooping, which is thought to have originally been discovered in Ancient Egypt and Greece thousands of years ago when hoops were created from grapevines, is based on the hula hoops that gained popularity in the U.S. during the 1950s.  The primary differentiators with today's fitness hoops include a larger diameter, ranging from 37 to 45 inches, and weighted hoops, ranging from one to four pounds.  These modifications enable exercisers to rotate the hoops around the body more slowly, allowing for extended workouts that may result in a higher calorie burn.

For this study, the researchers recruited 16 healthy women between the ages of 16 and 59, all of whom were intermediate- to advanced-level hoopers.  Participants completed two practice sessions prior to a test that consisted of using a 35-minute hooping workout developed by Mary Pulak, founder of the Hooked on Hooping exercise studio in Green Bay, Wisc.  Once test subjects were comfortable with the choreography, which included seven different routines, each wore a portable oxygen analyzer and a Polar® heart rate monitor to measure oxygen consumption (VO2 max) and recorded heart rate (HR), respectively.  As the subjects hooped along to the exercise DVD at their own pace and using a weighted hoop, HR and VO2 were measured at one-minute intervals throughout the 30-minute workout while individual ratings of perceived exertion (RPE), based on the Borg Scale, were surveyed every five minutes.

At the conclusion of the test, researchers found hooping burns an average of 210 calories during a 30-minute hooping workout (approximately 420 calories per hour), which is comparable to the exertion of boot camp-style classes, step aerobics and cardio kickboxing.  The average HR was 151 beats per minute, which is equivalent to 84 percent of the age-predicted HRmax for the average subject.  Further, the RPE average was rated as "somewhat hard" on the Borg Scale.

"Not only can hooping workouts result in improved cardiovascular health, muscle conditioning, flexibility and balance, but hoopers may also enjoy a fun, relaxing and potentially meditative effect due to the activity's rhythmic nature," Bryant adds.

A complete study summary can be found on ACE's Get Fit™ website, located at www.acefitness.org/getfit/research.aspx.

About the American Council on Exercise

The American Council on Exercise (ACE), America's premier fitness education, certification and training organization, is a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting the benefits of physical activity and protecting Americans against unsafe and ineffective fitness products and instruction. ACE sponsors university-based exercise science research and is the world's largest nonprofit fitness certifying organization. For more information on ACE and its programs, call (800) 825-3636 or log onto the ACE website at www.acefitness.org

SOURCE American Council on Exercise

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Moving through January

This being human is a guesthouse.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out
for some new delight . . .

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~~Rumi

January was one of the longest months that I can remember. I found myself continually saying, “Really? It’s still January.” The month in it’s opposition seems to linger, leaving a residual hollow sound echoing in my ear.  Each day brought new challenges to health, family life, and the basic “securities” that help move the days along smoothly.

I stopped hooping for most of January finding little time for such a “frivolous” activity. I was busy taking care of my boys, my health, errands, and hoping for rest in between. The ice storm that hit our area cancelled my hoop classes, providing even less time for me to hoop, even while teaching. I could feel my body calling to the hoop, but I literally could not find the time to pick it up.

As the month S L O W L Y progressed, my health took on a new unexplained twist, and my family, in their infinite generosity, stepped in to help. My sisters took time off of work to care for my children. My parents drove the long haul from MI to NC so my children could stay with them for almost two weeks of grandparent fun. I was blessed by the most amazing gift anyone can give... time. I slept for hours upon hours, I picked up my hoop, was able to go to two local hoop jams, and wrote my workshop for the SnowFlow Festival in Louisville.

The last weekend of January I found myself breathing deeply ,attending kirtan chanting, hooping with intense focus, forcing myself get out in the beautiful NC weather and run run run, writing my SnowFlow workshop, meditating, spending time at weaver street and people watching, and smiling BIG. I finally felt like I would make it through January and that February would be FABULOUS!

The first weekend in February brought the first annual SnowFlow Festival, held in Louisville, KY. SnowFlow offered 10 classes in various flow arts, my class titled “Expression of Hoopdance”. I was happily surprised that it sold out at 40 people, the biggest class I had taught so far in my hoop dance teaching experience. The time my family had provided allowed me to regain my momentum, prepare for the workshop, build my hoop practice back up, and to fully engage in the experience of the weekend.

I am continually amazed at the graciousness of the people I encounter. My family is the obvious example, but SnowFlow Fest reminded me of my love for the flow arts (and friends) community. All weekend I was greeted with kindness, taught with respect, and appreciated as a teacher. We were greeted Friday night by two side-splitting, soulful, beautiful women, kRi and hettie (www.mcbmusic.com) who graced us with their music. Their song “Guest House” touched me deeply, especially given my experience in January, and my need to move through things rather than hang tight to the unpleasantness. February is here, “let it in, love it, let it go”.

If you are unable to view the following video please go to www. havenhoopdance.com to view the blog and video in its entirety 

Peace in Folding

"PEACE.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." Author Unknown


Although it does not define me, I have lived with depression since my childhood.  As I look back over my early years, pre-teen and early teenage times, dealing with the illness, I am often struck by some of the amazing coping skills a young child can develop in the midst of personal crisis.  Many of those skills, of course, would not serve me well as an adult, but several have been essential throughout my life.

One technique has been the most influential and life changing.  While I don't remember the circumstances, I do remember being quite young and horribly sad and emotionally distressed one night.  As I lay in bed, literally praying for comfort, I was able to envision this beautiful white light encircling me on all sides, and above it, creating it, was a magnificent lioness.  Immediately, I was at peace and found stillness in an otherwise troubled heart, and from then on, this image became the face of God for me.  In times of greatest, sorrow, despair and even bouts of depression I could go back to this image and recreate it for comfort and knowledge that I was never alone on my journey.

It is no wonder that I am so taken with hooping.  A circular object, always surrounding me, as I dance. Protecting me, from everything and perhaps nothing, but still always there.  Lately, as I practice the technique termed, "Folding" by my teacher, Jonathon Baxter (Bax), founder of the HoopPath, I can see this image, of white light and lioness, so clearly as the hoop gently wraps around my body in unconventional ways.  With each "fold" I create a new stream of light and protection, the hoop always seeming to touch some point on my body.  It is the most comforting hoop experience I have had so far.  It is also the most rigorous despite its simple beauty and appearance to the observer.

I realize that I am a great candidate for HoopPath teaching because I prefer the dance and meditation that hooping offers over learning new tricks with the hoop, however there is plenty of technique offered in Bax's teaching to fill a student's repertoire.  Folding is just one example and has opened up so much for me in my own hoop dance.  I have been so incredibly fortunate to be under Bax's tutelage most Monday nights for over 5 years now.

I love and am grateful for  the road I have traveled, am traveling, down this path, with the hoop, with my community of family and friends.  Each life experience can be an opportunity for growth and shapes the people we become.  I am contented with this fact of continual growth as a person and in my dance.

If you cannot view the video below, please  go to www.havenhoopdance.com to view the blog in its entirety.


This song, "Little Fire", by Patty Griffin is one of my favorites.  It reminds me of the image I speak of in the writing above, in particular the chorus :
" All that I want is one who knows me
A kind hand on my face when I weep
And I'd give back these things I know are meaningless
For a little fire beside me when I sleep"

A Mother's Love

"Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love."
— Leo Buscaglia


I don't think I truly understood what love is until December 16th, 2005.  The day my first son was born.  In the moment, I finally held him in my arms for the first time, after an arduous labor, difficult delivery and problems, still, delivering the placenta, I was literally crying out for my then nameless boy.  Once I saw his beautiful face, teeny tiny hands and feet, the perfectness of this human being, I knew that I would love him unconditionally, forever.  A mother's love.  


Two years later, almost to the day, my second son was born.  This time I already knew his name.  We were connected so deeply throughout my whole pregnancy.  I sang to him, I hooped "with" him even in labor, I talked to him... I was overcome with love for this being not yet born.  My labor and delivery was even more intense the second time around, which is not usually the case.  I was blessed with an amazing support team that pulled me through what seemed like a never ceasing process.  At the end, with an oxygen mask over my face, knowing my baby's heart rate was dropping the midwife told me, "Bonnie you have to get him out with this push." I pushed and pushed with all I had in me, but he did not come.  I feared the worst and at that moment there was a disconnect.  I needed that disconnect to get the job done and my beautiful boy was born with the next push.  He went into the NICU that night and we were mostly separated for the first three days of his life.  Another disconnect.  Looking back postpartum depression was probably inevitable, but my unconditional love for him remained strong.  It just took us time to rebuild our relationship from the womb, to reconnect.  


It was at some point during my postpartum depression, in my pondering on this phenomena of a mother's unconditional love for her children, that it hit me, "Wow, my Mom loves me this way."  I had never really understood that before... well how could I?  My mom and I have been close for most of my life and although I'm sure I don't tell her this nearly enough, I look up to her.  She, along with my two grandmothers, is the epitome of a strong, beautiful woman.  I strive to be more like her in many ways.  To this day, I have never... I mean NEVER... heard my mom gossip or speak ill of another person.  How many people can you say that about?  And she loves me unconditionally?  She has never told me this, but I know it now, as a mother, and most importantly because I can look back at all the support she has given me throughout my life.  She has ALWAYS been there.  


Over the holidays, my boys and I were visiting my family up where the snow blows cold, and I received some news that will change our lives at least temporarily.  I was so grateful to be with family who love and support me, no matter if I spin a hoop for a living, dye my hair blue, or live far, far away.  My mom as usual was my rock, offering guidance, so much love, compassion, and letting me go as I needed to.  Unconditional love, as only a mother can give. 


This month, my mom will be honored as "Woman of the Year" by the Michigan High School Football Coaches Association.  I will be with her in spirit, sending my love and knowing that there is no one in the world who deserves this award more than she does.

If you are receiving this blog via email and cannot view the video below please go to www.havenhoopdance.com to see the post in its entirety. 


Twins,a video of a mother's love. My eldest son insists that he and his brother, separated by a two year age difference, are twins. This video is for the three of us. My hands gently guiding them as they wander down various paths, currents, movements and flow. May they always feel my presence as a support and welcome energy.

Searching for Peace

Growing up, my Mom often called me her “what if girl”.  I was constantly asking “What if,” this happens or “What if,” that happens.  Truth is I worried a lot about things that were not in my control.  Fear was a guiding factor for so much of my of my younger life, as I searched for peace that can not be found in "What if's".


As a child one of my greatest role models was Fr. Edward Prus. Fr. Prus, besides my father, may be the man who has had the greatest affect my life.  It would take several blogs to write entirely how much this man influenced me, but to put it simply I watched closely how he lived and wanted to be like him.  When I would get into one of my “what if” modes, and become upset I would often imagine talking to Fr. Prus and telling him my worries.  This process would almost immediately bring me to a state of peace, just knowing that I was loved by him and that if needed he would listen.  Having this comfort as a child is just one of the multitude of gifts this amazing man gave me without ever knowing it.  My first teacher of peace.


This of course, carried into my adult life and I’ve spent many years working toward living life in the moment and accepting that I truly control very little beyond my own behavior. When I met Gen Kelsang Tilopa, the monk who runs the Buddhist Center which I attend, I knew it was an encounter with another mentor for my life.  This was the first time I was able to sit and quietly meditate for any period of time.  It was less than 5 minutes, but I found some peace which I had been searching for so long.  As I participated in the Buddhist Center more I learned I could meditate for longer periods of time and stay in this peaceful place.
   
Shortly after connecting with the Buddhist Center, I picked up the hoop for the first time and found that there can be meditation and peace within a state of movement as well. The hoop becomes the perfect dance partner, spinning with me towards a state of grace  and peace.... quiet of my mind.  Many times my hoops sessions start off loud, with questions bounding, the hoop feeling awkward on my body, off my body, but as I stick with the practice I can generally find some stillness, peace, within the movement.  


Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to have some time (with extreme gratitude to my Mom and sister for watching my children) to hoop in my parents living while home for the holidays.  I was drilling mostly, and dropping the hoop a lot (aka learning a lot), but I took some time to record and dance to a song that has been with me since I left the HoopPath workshop in FL. In this song and dance, I found some peace.  The words sum things up to such perfection, “I am exactly where I need to be, I need be exactly where I am..... And when I try to fight or run, I only wind up back at square one and when I think I know what’s best for me, Fate She takes me back to exactly where I need to be.”("Exactly", Amy Steinberg). 


Wishing you peace this Holiday season, New Year and always, wherever you may find it.

With Awe and Wonder

I handed each of my boys a lifesaver, candy being a very special treat at Mama's house.  My 5 year old quickly popped it in his mouth and began to savor the sweetness, while my 3 year old took a moment to look at the round shape, odd texture and bright green color and then with a look of awe and wonder he said, " OOOO  it's beautiful!" before devouring it.  The purity of the moment was not lost on me.


A few days later while at a local restaurant having a drink with a friend, the bartender handed us a couple of Frisbees that had been promotional items from a previous night.  Without thinking much about it, I began seeing the discs as tools for object manipulation.  On my small stool I started playing with the discs in curious ways.  I didn't care what other people thought I looked like.  I got lost in the purity of the circular motion of the discs and how my wrists, hands, arms, all the way to my shoulders and head could move them in particular ways in rhythm with the music.  I remember having a quick thought back to the lifesaver moment, "OOOO its beautiful".  


It is this way with the hoop for me when I am lost in flow, or in those moments of pe*A*ce (rhythmic balance between the hoop and hooper).  I feel blessed to experience these amazing sensations so vividly and frequently due to the teacher(s) I have and my own hoop practice.  Hooping has brought such richness to my life on levels deeper than I ever considered that first day 8+ years ago when I picked up my first hoop on the Weaver St. Market lawn.  I remember watching Vivian Spiral on that day and thinking, "OOOO its beautiful".  Little did I know the depth of that statement.  Blessings to all of you that have helped me on this journey.  

Practice as a Way of Life

It has been almost a year since I last wrote, and what a year it has been. The internal challenges I faced in determining who I was (am) as a mother, a single parent, a woman, a teacher, a friend, a daughter and a sister have been powerful and forces for tremendous growth and change. Throughout all of these battles with my sense of identity, the one constant that I had control over was my hoop practice, and it sustained me, when nothing else could.

During the first few months of 2010 as I began my journey as a single mom. The intensely quiet times when my boys were not with me became spaces for 5 hour hoop practices that allowed for openings to grief, compassion, anger, exhaustion, and stillness. My practice not only strengthened my hooping, but helped me to become comfortable in my own solitude. These practice session led me to find a place where I did not need to hoop for 5 hours to feel comfortable with the silence.

In the HoopPath, Baxter talks about three essential stages of learning: Belief, Strength, and Grace. I can see myself in each of these stages as this year progressed. I recall calling my Dad at one point early on and literally saying, “I just can’t do this.” I had momentarily given up, but he quickly gave me the “Coach Mac” pep talk I needed to have BELIEF. I took that belief and taught my first hooping workshop up in NYC at Union Theological Seminary and began to find my STRENGTH.

I have been blessed with the most amazing family and friends that anyone could possibly imagine and I can’t recount the time they held me up throughout this year as my strength wavered. My gratitude to every person in my life is so immense that I could never possibly express it in words. In this year of on going self discovery, the people closest to me saw the best, and most definitely the worst of me. Ruminating, ruminating, ruminating... anger, anger, anger... crisis, crisis, crisis... And here they are still by my side. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

I don’t know when exactly the shift started happening to GRACE and I know that as in hooping Grace is always something to be worked toward, sharpened, enhanced, but I know there is an essential difference in my way of being and interacting with the world. I can only relate it to hooping, to HoopPath, and say that I have shifting and entering this point of grace. It is because of these loyal, loving people in my life and my hoop practice that I am here. I know that like maintaining my hoop practice, there are steps I need to take on a daily basis to maintain the practice of living in this more authentic way that has started for me. Grace can not be maintained with out the continued strength behind it. Strength comes through practice.

The other morning I opened the box of Christmas decorations, fully prepared to deck out the house before the boys came home from school, but instead I was left to slowly pull out memories of past holidays from a small plastic bin. They were mostly joyful memories, but the ache in my heart was tremendous and tears spilled silently down my face as I first unpacked each item with great tenderness and care, and then gently put it back into its place. The box remains unopened on the living room floor, a sign of the further growth, grief, and internal work I still have in front of me. Practice, Practice, Practice.

The practice is ongoing, never-ending, infinite if I hope to continue my growth as a hoopdancer and as a human being.

The Beauty of My Tribe

Lauren gave me the official geek title today at the jam as I took a break to try and update FB and tell “the world” about the radiant beauty I was witnessing as my fellow tribe members hooped their individual dances even further into my heart. At a time when I am feeling broken and drained, dancing with these amazing men and women, as well as being a spectator filled me for these 2 hours with a sense of reprieve.

In awe I watched Cathy P. spin her silver minis magically in rhythm with the music; AJ precisely and with fierce athleticism work off body badness, while rocking out both trees; Robbie spun twins and flew his birds with a feathery grace; Rebecca quietly moved gently, peacefully and lulled me into her dance; Patricia rocked it, as always, and her smile filled the room with the pureness of hoop joy; Vaughn filled the room with love, while hooping, while resting, just being; Lauren fully engaged with her hoop, her dance, the music, really it seemed all life…no holds barred; Pam worked twins like no one else while David joined in and at times watched in love; and Beth, as crabby as she claimed to be, flowed and flowed and flowed, like a fountain of perpetual grace.

No dance was the same. Each was different, each was uniquely beautiful and none can be compared. This is what I love most of all. Well this and that we come together to hoop for the pure love of the dance. There is, at least in my experience, no ugly competition in this forum, no person looking to be “the best”. In life it is hard to find pure moments, let alone a pure two hours like this was for me. My heart was full of love for my hooping community, for this particular jam, for the simplicity of it, for the “bigness” of it.

So to you my amazing hoop community I am grateful. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Peace and Love to each and every one of you.

Hooping as a Healing Art

Kara Maia Spencer, is an amazing hooper and member of the hooping and healing arts communites. She has written several articles about the the healing effects of hooping including the one below. Please visit her website for more information on hooping as a healing art.

http://www.mandalahoops.com/


Core Hooping for Lymphatic Health
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 at 2:47PM
The Lymphatic SystemHooping is the art of movement with the hoop. Dance, yoga, and the spinning arts have brought a great variety of styles, techniques, tricks, and moves to hooping. While it is exciting, challenging, and fun to learn beautiful off-the-body moves, or techniques with the arms, hands, legs, and feet - I urge all hoopers to really explore their core hooping with a daily practice.

Core hooping is rotating the hoop around the primary axis of the body, the spine, abdomen, back, chest, and hips. Core hooping covers the basic moves of hooping plus provides an amazing massage of the muscles and soft tissues of the core. The hoop provides a gentle, rhythmic massage that stimulates lymphatic flow resulting in increased circulation, cellular detox, weight loss, and increased immunity.

The lymphatic system is a primary part of our tri fold circulatory system. It is responsible for waste collection, immunity, waste processing, and cell transport throughout the body. The venous flow, arterial flow, and lymphatic flow work together to circulate all the blood and lymph in our bodies. Unlike the venous and arterial circulatory flow that has it's own impulse to move, the lymphatic fluid only moves because of our bodies movement and exercise, deep breathing, and through gentle rhythmic massage.

Over 50% of our bodies lymphatic glands are in the belly, around the intestines. The next most concentrated area of lymphatic tissue is the sides of the chest, under the arms. Then there are lymphatic glands in the femoral or bikini area. Also around the neck, throat, and shoulders where the lymph drains into the bodies two main lymph ducts. It is perfect synchronicity that the lymphatic system may be wonderfully massaged by core hooping.

Core Hooping Lymph Massage Flow:
In order to stimulate the lymphatic flow and provide a wonderful lymphatic massage with the hoop, I start with hooping on my hands above my head. This provides circular range of motion movements to the shoulders and neck, stimulating the drainage of the main lymph ducts on both sides of the neck under the clavicle.

The most important thing to remember when doing this technique is to breath deeply into the belly, stimulating the back of the throat, fully expanding your diaphragm, almost breathing audibly, so as to stimulate the lymphatic drainage. Also, drink lots of water before and after hooping!

Then, I hoop around the neck, and bring my shoulders into the hoop, rotating it around my upper arms and chest. Next, lifting the arms through the hoop, allowing the hoop to rotate around my chest with my arms above. This stimulates the drainage of the lymph nodes under the sternum, the main drainage duct for the lower extremities of the body, as well as the sides under the arms, another main lymph node site.

Letting the hoop slow allows it to come down to my waist where I hoop for a long while around my core. In order to not become bored with core hooping, I will practice mudras, yoga with my hands, or just dance to my favorite music.

Slowing the hoop, allows it to drop even further and I bring the hoop to my hips, allowing the hoop to provide a lymphatic massage to the inguinal lymph nodes on both sides of the anterior pelvic region. I bring the hoop to my knees, and then spend a while playing with keeping the hoop on my thighs between my knees and hips to stimulate the thigh circulation.

Bringing the hoop back to my waist, I lift it with my hands above my head and come down to lie with my back on the floor. I hoop on each foot, alternating feet, using the circular range of motion of the feet and legs, and the force of gravity to drain the legs and stimulate circulation.

Coming back to standing, I again focus on more core hooping around the belly, then bring the hoop up under the ribs to focus on the thoracic duct, then up to my chest to focus on the important thymus, then neck, then hands above head. Breathing deeply still.
Now I dance however I well please for as long as I want!

When I am done, I like to lie on the floor on my back, with my knees bent, feet flat on the floor, and hands on my belly. Breathing deeply into the core and experiencing stillness and rest I focus on completely releasing any tension from my core. I send love and gratitude to my core. When done, I roll to the left side and push myself to sitting.

This is a very invigorating core hooping practice that will assist your body in waste elimination, releasing excess fluid, relieving congestion, detoxing your body, and enhancing your natural immunity!

The lymphatic system is best stimulated by a light rhythmic touch, so I prefer to use a lighter hoop for this benefit, my favorite is a 100 PSI 1/2 ". The deep breathing, full routine of stimulating the lymph flow from the outlet at the neck to the toes then back to the neck, and the rest at the end are all important vital elements of the optimal hoop flow for lymphatic drainage.

A daily core hoop practice will help with detox, immune functioning, and weight loss. If you have inflammed lymph nodes, I do not recommend hooping over them at that time because it could irritate them worse. When feeling ill please drink lots of water, care for your body, and get ample rest. However, a regular hoop practice will help keep your lymphatic system functioning at it's prime and keep sickness at bay!

Healing Through Hooping

Once again it seems like a lifetime since I last wrote. I've been struggling with how to maintain this blog. What is the line between "keeping it real" and "keeping it professional"? I'm not sure I know, because hooping is so intensely personal to me, while also my work. I'm hoping to find my rhythm again with writing and be true to myself in what I present.

Recently I have been struck with how intensely healing hooping, the hoop, the hoop community (the Hoop Path community for me specifically), and hoopdance can be. Each of these separately and together are powerful tools for growth and well-being. Each can offer emotional or physical health and in many cases both. Lately I have encountered personal stories(my own included) as well as published articles that relate to this topic. That being said, in my own life I can testify to how hooping has provided a space for healing physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and in ways I can not yet quantify.

USING THE HOOP AS A TOOL FOR GRIEVING
In the course of the last year, Tim and I had several dear friends die unexpectedly. It seemed that we would just be coming to accept one death, when we would be hit with the next. Bright, vibrant, young, creative, amazingly gifted, beautiful men and women, gone in an instant. Death is heartbreaking, but these deaths, somehow seemed unbearably tragic.

The third one came about this past spring. This death was particularly difficult for me because like me Jane, was a young mom, a hooper, and we had a deep connection. Jane chose to end her own life. The circumstances around this choice were also strange in that everything pointed to her being happy and peaceful when she died. Her brother-in-law, the minister at the spiritual community for which Tim is music director, gave the most uplifting, hopeful eulogy I could have ever expected. Still I was saddened on a deep level by her loss and struggling to deal with it.

While I had used hooping to help with grief in the past, I felt stuck in managing the initial grief with Jane's death. Months earlier when drummer and friend, Kevin Brock, had passed it seemed natural to gather with hoops and drums as a way to honor Kevin and grieve together. I also found myself hooping in our living room to a CD of Kevin's unreleased music and this too was healing during my grief process. This time with Jane, though, I was not finding my way.

Then my dear friend and fellow Hoop Pather, Lauren C., from the DC area started checking in on me frequently. She suggested making a "grief hoop". Taking things that reminded me of Jane, that were important in my grieving process and putting them inside the tubing of the hoop. Then closing up the hoop, taping and beginning the journey of grieving through hooping with that hoop. A journey which eventually would transform the hoop from a "grief hoop" to a hoop of joy. It was a brilliant idea and one that for me was invaluable.

In early September, just on the heels of Elias's disappearance and presumed death, my best friend in NYC lost her baby in her second trimester. It was tragic, horrific, and something no parent should ever have to experience. I flew up to NY to be with her and her family a few days after it happened. I was humbled to be a part of their family during this time and so touched that they wanted me there. One night I was privileged to sit with 3 other women friends and hear the entire story, cry and listen as one friend told the story of the lotus flower, which has since become the name of the baby. Baby Lotus. Although it was not "my" loss, watching their pain, hearing their story, seeing their strength, walking with them through each day was a transformative time for me.

While in NY, I had my hoops with me and they became a source of play at times throughout the weekend, especially for their 3 1/2 yr old. I told my friend about the idea of a grief hoop and offered to make her one if it spoke to her. Mostly, though, I brought them as a security blanket for myself. An outlet in case I needed 10 minutes of active meditation. Some self-care while traveling. At this point in my hoop journey, it is hard to leave home without a hoop by my side.

Several weeks ago, she called me and told me she was changing her topic for her Facing Death class in her PhD. class to focus on hooping and grieving. She and I spent time working on the project together. I made her a grief hoop and explained some of the Hoop Path beliefs in general and specific to grieving. Lastly, she asked me to make a video to a song that has been pivotal in her family's grieving process. Making the hoop and the video where incredible experiences for me. Putting my WHOLE self into the process. The video is shown at the beginning of this blog and the hoop shown on the floor of the video. All of this was done with healing intention. And now my prayers go out, hoping that she is still continuing to flow in healing energy.

PS: For those of you receiving this via email or facebook click the link below to view the video or go to www.havenhoopdance.com .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLH4GbAw9SM