The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. Anticipation filled my being as election day approached. I looked forward to watching elections results come in with family and close friends. We expected some hoopers and musicians to be dropping in and out throughout the evening and felt grateful for the comaraderie on such a momentous day. It was a day I was praying would bring about great change for our suffering country.
For the first time in months I was able to attend Baxter's Monday night Maidan class and it felt a bit like coming home. Sitting in circle at the beginning of class with the women and men whom I have grown to love and deeply cherish as a rich part of my life, provided a deep sense of comfort that I have missed in my absence. Baxter spoke of compassion, truth and real beauty. The foundation of class was based on these three concepts and it was profoundly moving. We ended class by sitting and singing a mantra together, opening the space for an all night peace meditation that was about to be held. Hearing our voices together, knowing our intention for good, for peace, for change....it gave me chills, it gave me hope. And I left class wondering what Tuesday would bring.
Tim and I talked some when I came home and I got on the computer. Sometime around midnight I checked facebook before heading to bed. The first thing I saw turned my stomach upside down and made me read it several times before turning to Tim to tell him what it said. "Tim", I whispered, " Ann, has posted here that Kevin Brock died." Shock was felt by both of us. I immediately wanted to call Ann, feeling that this must be a different Kevin Brock...or the information must be wrong. This could not be our friend, the brilliant percussionist that Tim had play with countless times, whose bright light shone to everyone who met him. Tim reminded me of the time and persuaded me to not call Bax and Ann that late. He then retreated into his own space and me into mine, each to deal with our own shock and grief individually. Within these few moments, the election did not feel so important to me anymore. I wondered how to comfort Tim, who had just lost another very close friend a few months before. I cried for Kevin's wife and long time partner, and selfishly feared for myself (the what if ?'s, how would I get by without Tim?), and then cried for her more. I thought of the great loss this is for the whole world and felt a deep pit in my gut.
On Tuesday, election day, I felt like I was going through the motions of life. Trying to "gear up" for what could be one of the most historical days in our country, but my heart felt low. I had promised Beth that I would pick Erica up from school in the afternoon and bring her back to our house. I was so looking forward to time with Erica, who always brings a smile and brightness to my life. It was pouring down rain outside as I drove to Hillsborough to pick up Erica from school. I drove in awe at the colors on the trees in the rain. It was as though they had changed over night. The rain was pouring down and the trees were singing with brilliant colors and all I could think is "this is Kevin, here with us". He is this brilliance, he is the rain nourishing our dry land and bringing the color out of the trees. Everything, despite the rain or because of it (or perhaps including it) was unbelievably stunning...and I cried, knowing that Kevin was still here.
I thought about class the night before and realized that it had all happened for a reason. Baxter's message about compassion, truth and beauty. Kevin encompassed all three, in particular, his beauty from within just radiated outward to each person that he encountered. Not one person whom I have met that had even a mere instance of contact with Kevin was not somehow touched by him and his gift. An individual like this comes along rarely, and when you get to meet them you bow down and give thanks.
The hoopers in Carrboro and those who came from around North America were exceptionally fortunate because Kevin played for both Hoop Path retreats and at the Hoop Convergence. He loved playing for hooping events and his music was perfect and always in sync with what was happening inside the rhythms of the hoopers. His instincts were always perfectly aligned with what was happening in field of hoopers. I'm not sure if a non-hooper can understand how difficult a task that is, but I'm here to tell you it's incredibly rare. His gift was truly magnificent.
These are some words from others to describe Kevin:
Ann Humphreys: " Clear-eyed gentle soul--so solid and so present always"
Beth Lavinder:"I did not know Kevin very well, but he always made me feel so special, like he saw me, heard me, affirmed me. His sincerity and authenticity were palpable. He radiated a goodness and generosity that I've never witnessed in anyone else. He celebrated and encouraged the beauty and achievements of others and affirmed their innate worth.
I had a very strong dream last night that I think touched upon what Klee referred to as Kevin's uniqueness. I dreamt that I was standing behind him, observing and appreciating the light that touched his neck and shoulders. I was struck by the special quality of his skin, it's beauty and strangeness. His skin was a mottled white and grey, pure, rare, unique like the coloring of a dappled horse. I saw that although he lived in a body like ours, he inhabited a special skin unlike anyone else, and it was beautiful and unmatched.
I think that Baxter's class last night touched upon something that I feel like Kevin embodied, a Beauty that comes from within, that is internal and eternal, authentic and pure. I feel comforted when I appreciate this gift that he gave us."
Robert Cantrell: "Kevin didn't just play drums or percussion, he painted beautiful artwork with his music. As a percussionist, I don't know anyone else who can do that...reach out beyond the instruments and paint rather than just play".
The election is over and history has been made. While I celebrate this great victory in our country, I also mourn a loss of a friend and celebrate the gift he was and continues to be to the world. We miss you Kevin. We pray for your family and offer love and support.
